Overcoming Trials Through Faith

Today in church we had a lesson that really inspired me. It so happens that we have possibly the best sunday school teachers in the whole of the church. Each Sunday is an inspirational lesson, I kid you not. I received a little insight today, however, which I feel inspired to share. 

The lesson was not closely related to the topic, but someone made a comment to the effect of, "the Lord has already felt our trials so that he may have empathy for us and we never need feel that we are alone." Well, this simple truth brought about another simple truth to my mind...

The Lord has felt every ounce of our pain whether it be mentally, physically, or spiritually. He also overcame each of our trials perfectly. He knows how to overcome them and if we let go of our limited mortal understanding and lean on Him, having faith in His all-encompassing Atonement, He will lead us perfectly through any trial we may face.

I've already written about some skewed ways of thinking I have faced due to previously mentioned trials. Shortly after Ken and I were married all those thwarted perceptions were closing in on me at an alarming rate. I was acting as if I were frantically grasping for someone to pull me out of my surrounding mental chaos. I knew something was wrong with my thought process, due to the insights of various people (not a kind thing to do, mind you), I just didn't know what or how to fix myself. The only thing I could think to do was to pray.

I got on my knees and literally, begged the Lord to save me. I told Him I knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn't know what to do. 

I cannot convey to you what exactly took place after that. The only thing I know is that an absolute miracle occurred in my life. Slowly the Lord revealed to me the reasons for my thought processes- the occurrences that had happened to manipulate my mind. I was able to slowly process each situation and move beyond them (i.e. my dad and Vietnam, abusive situations in dating relationships, etc.) I feel I need to emphasize that I did nor do not intend to place blame, but just wanted to understand myself and the incorrect perceptions I was faced with. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt that our loving Heavenly Father heard my prayer. I know that Christ has dealt with my specific problems. I know that He knew how to overcome them though I did not. I know that because I exhibited faith in Him, He showed me through His perfect knowledge how to heal my mind.  I know the Lord can and will heal all wounds according to our faith and His will. I cannot convey to you the miracle that took place that night. His Atonement is so miraculous that He literally can change the very makeup of our minds. All the pain, suffering, abuse, loss, etc., we feel in this life cannot stand against the Lord's power. He can lift us out of any black abyss that we may face. He can fill any void that we insatiably try to fill. He did that for me. I know I am the woman I am today because of the Lord's hand in my life. He has guided me to tremendous growth and I can add this to the life long list of things I am both indebted to and ever grateful for. This hymn (#124) helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.

"Be Still, My Soul"

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697;
trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897

I also know that if you ever feel lost; if you ever feel alone, afraid, or trodden down He will never leave you comfortless. He will come to you. He stands at the door and knocks. It is up to you to open the door. Let His love and light consume you.

My Love; My Kenny

To all of you I am sharing some of my weaknesses with you here to help you to realize that a) if you have this same weakness you are not alone, and b) don't take people the Lord places in your life for granted.

I had a lot of baggage going into finding a person to marry. I wanted to be loved so badly that I often forced it instead of letting it happen naturally. For example, I was needy. Constantly calling, wanting attention, and insanely pushing to see if he was there for real. I would set myself up for failure in a relationship because I was scared to death of getting hurt by men. I would deem the relationship a failure before it even began, not with every relationship....mostly just this one. By the time this relationship came around I had been through so many awful relationships which only ended in heartbreak...okay maybe a handful, but it was enough to change the person I was. I was a wreck. Because I did that, I really missed out on enjoying the journey. I took it all for granted. I had an expectation of how it was supposed to be and I was constantly trying to force it to be that instead of stepping back and taking a breath and letting it happen. I missed out on that blessing. I missed the allowance of the spirit to touch my heart which would enable me to have a deeper love for this man. I took him for granted for years. Thinking it all should've happened the way I had envisioned it. But in all reality I'm the one who missed out. What a blessing it would've been to have a calm heart and to have been able to enjoy the journey we were taking together.

So here we go. Here is the story of how I met my sweet heart.

Heavenly Father had promised me something in a blessing one summer in my mother's home in Monticello, Utah. He told me He was preparing someone for me. Of course my heart was filled with excitement. I looked at every boy wondering if he was the "one" being prepared for me!

What I didn't know was at that exact time an elder was diligently serving his mission in Ecuador. Walking door to door sharing the gospel and growing into a man who would change my life forever.

I had moved back to Salt Lake at the end of that summer to start my fall semester. I lived in a two bedroom apartment and was desperately looking for a roommate to split my rent in half. My price range was just high enough that most girls didn't come looking, but one was very, very interested. She was 28 years old and extremely odd. She was an avid runner. She made sure she went literally every day of the week. Well, as it so happened she got hit by a car while running. I think she ran too close to the line, personally, but what do I know? Two weeks later, she got hit by another car while running! Well, she drew up a sign up sheet and had it passed around elder's quorum for men to go running with her to "protect" her.

The paper hit the hands of a newly returned missionary and he, being in love with running and composed of a sweet spirit, signed the sheet. He wasn't the only one, and for some reason I was asked to call every man on that list to ask if they would go running with my roommate on any given day of the week. Not only did I call every man I also escorted them through the halls of the apartment complex into our apartment for my roommate. In all reality I only remember one man. I remember opening the door to the complex to find that same returned missionary who spoke in sacrament meeting on my birthday sunday. I remember him because we smiled at each other a couple of times through his talk. He was very stern looking. Very serious minded. Would rarely smile. Oh but when he smiled! My heart melted instantly. Something about this young man seemed so familiar to me, almost as if I'd met him before.

I decided I needed to go running this time too! I didn't want to seem silly, but there was something magnetic about this man. I was very interested in him.

After that I still set up the running days, but when it came to his we texted a couple of times back and forth. The run turned into a date. I remember we made rice crispy treats that date and watched a movie or something of that nature. We never spent another day separated after that first date.

I put him through a lot of grief, but he is the only man who has ever stayed true and by my side in my life. He was my stripling warrior. He has always been silently confident, humbly strong, and always constant and steady. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. He loved me when I didn't love myself. He was the rock on which I was able to dig through the mess and build who I really am. It is because of him I am the person I am today. Kenny Pie, you saved me. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you have given me.

We were engaged sometime in May, I believe. He took me to the spot the pioneers had found to pick the location of the temple and told me he chose this day for us to start building something beautiful.

We were married November 3, 2005. I was 21 and he was 23. Devri was sealed to us and this was the start of the rest of our lives. Now, a little over 5 years later, I love him more than ever. He is my ultimate comfort. I could be anywhere in the world and as long as I was with him I would feel home. I love you sweetie.