I did a few things as a teenager that I am absolutely ashamed of. I think of those days as a waste of life. I could've been so much better then I was. I was an awful daughter, a horrible example of a friend, and I never really progressed in school. I did the minimum just to get by. My grades were usually barely scraping by just to stay on the cheer squad. I hate to admit it, but today I think of the person I was as a "loser". I'm not saying I was an awful person, but my choices were awful. Call it hormones, a yearn to be loved by others, or whatever you want. The truth is no matter what happens to you it's not the trial its self, but the way you react to the trial.
There is a quality that I had which I think pulled me out of it all. I had a desire to be good. I was going about it all the wrong ways. There were a couple of people in my life who made all the difference. I had the most beautiful hearted, loving mother anyone could ever ask for. She was my main support. I knew she thought the world of me, and often times I would use that to my advantage, which of course I am mortified by now. I had an equally beautiful grandmother (Hilma Burge Black) who I absolutely adored and she was a rock of righteousness in my life. I looked up to her more than she ever knew. I had a seminary teacher (Brother Randy LaRose) who was my mentor. I absorbed his seminary lessons like a sponge and the spirit often burned the truth of his lessons deep into my heart. I had a testimony I knew I could not diverge from. Many of my friends were able to sit through the exact same lessons and not be affected by them as I was. Their lives today are a testament to that. Brother LaRose became my most trusted ally. He talked me through some very hard times and always led me to choose the right. I really feel that he was placed at Monticello High School just for me. I'm sure he has touched the lives of many students, but I don't know that he has touched any of theirs the way he was able to touch mine through the spirit. And finally, when I married Ken it was as if I was finally able to break out of the pattern of life I had become so accustomed. Like the fog finally cleared and I was able to find myself.
Looking back it is easy to see how Heavenly Father lined these people up for me to bring me back to Him, isn't it? How inspirational. I have goose bumps right now. How grateful I am for His hand in my life. What a blessing it is to look back and see that after all these years.
